the tragic death of a spouse

Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God’s plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins.  

     

-Eric Liddell, Olympian

             

     

I wept not too long ago and the tears flowed in what seemed like a river.  One afternoon a few weeks ago while munching on some chips and salsa I caught a piece on ESPN about the gripping story concerning Australian golfer Stuart Appleby who tragically lost his wife and former caddie Renay back in 1998.  Appleby recalled how devastated he was and how the loss sent him to depths he never dreamed of—they were on a get-away together unloading their car on July 23 just outside a train station in London when another car backed up into her doing somewhere between 10-20 mph, crushing her to death between the two cars.  She was 25 years young—Appleby just 27.  I remember hearing the news and the feelings I had ten years ago—to watch the story again just stirred up the same emotions and maybe even more-so being that I too have lost a wife—only mine, to divorce.  I think I know why we cry and grieve—I suppose it is just a reminder that we are made in the image of God—who weeps over us by the way.

 

Appleby told his story and shared how—once Renay was gone—his desire to play golf was gone with her.  In the days that followed her death he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t play golf again—only to break the promise less than a month later, showing up to play at the ‘98 PGA Championship at Sahalee Country Club just outside Seattle, Washington—knowing his departed wife wouldn’t want him to do anything but be there to compete.  

           

In his first interview following the tragedy—‘The tough times…’ Appleby started, before tears welled in his eyes and his voice began to crack.  ‘The tough times are when you do a lot of thinking,’ he said, fighting to continue. ‘You just wish things were different. I’ve just got to bust through this little bubble in front of me.’  Renay Appleby’s death sent shock waves across PGA tours around the globe. She was a favorite among players and their wives, having caddied for her husband when he was trying to make it on the Nike Tour.  When he won for the first time on the PGA Tour two years ago, she nearly pulled his thumb off as they nervously held hands behind the 18th green in the Honda Classic as the last group came through.  ‘I feel very lucky that I knew her,’ Appleby said. ‘The time we spent together was good quality. She was the first prize in a raffle, and I was lucky enough to win. She changed a lot of people’s lives.’  (source: sportsillustraded.cnn.com—August 11, 1998)    

      

This weekend will mark ten years since Appleby’s return as he competes at Oakland Hills here in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan—at the very event he returned to—to begin with. 

               

I know who I will be pulling for.

 

Though he slay me, I will hope in him…    (Job 13:15a, ESV)

 

Stuart Appleby may never have all of his questions answered as to why he lost his young bride, but he has remarried (2002) and has a visible peace in his eyes and a calm within his voice.  He has even introduced his new wife to Renay’s family—he and Ashley have two daughters and are expecting their first son in October. 

salvation by osmosis

Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.

-Martin Luther 

 

There is no salvation by osmosis.

We can’t bank on our spouses relationship with Jesus—and the same applies to our mom or anyone else for that matter.  We may have the best pastor in our city—he can’t believe for us.  God makes no provision for riding right on into heaven on someone else’s coattails.  We must trust Christ for ourselves.  The only coattails that can bring each one of us into right-standing with God are those of Jesus Christ and him crucified.  It is the greatest miracle of all—a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ his only Son—is by far unsurpassable.

Nicodemus, the secret seeker I will call him (he did come at night to speak to Jesus after all)—came to Jesus to find out more about the spiritual teachings of Jesus.  Jesus didn’t waste any time with the prestigious and religious man.

 3 Jesus answered him, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.’ 4 Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” 5 Jesus answered, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.’    (John 3:3-5, ESV)

Notice that Jesus didn’t inform him that one of his contemporaries could stand in proxy for him.

You must be born again.

The guy you sit next to at work can’t pass his relationship with God over to you like he might his sandwich he offers to share with you.  Sitting in a garage won’t make you a car.  Hanging out in the locker room of your favorite NFL football team won’t make you a professional football star. 

The prophet Ezekiel faced a people caught up with the notion that somehow they wouldn’t personally be held accountable for their own sin.  They were tossing around a saying quite regularly along the lines that suggested that sons somehow were not responsible for their own sins because of their fathers sins.  God wasn’t going to have any of it any longer—he instructed Ezekiel to warn the people—”As sure as I’m the living God, you’re not going to repeat this saying in Israel any longer. Every soul—man, woman, child—belongs to me, parent and child alike. You die for your own sin, not another’s (The Message Bible).”

We will each stand by our lonesome before the judgement seat of Christ and we won’t be given the opportunity to blame our fathers for our own dis-belief when it came to Jesus Christ.

No one else can have faith in Jesus for you—you must have a personal relationship with Jesus for yourself.