18341432_a5298977a7The 19th century Scottish mathematician and pastor, Thomas Chalmers, wrote,

My God, suffer me not to let go my hold of Thy good providence.

It’s safe to assume that the life I lead these days as a fumbling bachelor doesn’t always necessarily lend itself to a good night’s sleep (looking for employment again and slaving away over my never ending book project can get tedious and tiresome, and my bursts of writing inspiration in which my bad case of writers block dissipates are more likely to happen at night when the sounds of the day disappear and my mind is quieted).   

So, there I was last night, laying there praying and attempting to listen with thoughts of numerous hurdles racing through my little brain.  I couldn’t fall asleep (which is rare for me) thinking about the various “life challenges” I currently face—divorce hasn’t been easy and I don’t recommend it (how often I find in talking and conversing with others via email that they too agree, it many times is simply the path of least resistance). 

It wasn’t too far into my tossing and turning that I got up to retrieve my bible and flip through its pages to an account I have read several times these last few years that reminds me of God’s good and sufficient providence in spite of the curveballs we get pitched to us (which I must admit, I tend to see the curveballs but don’t always recognize his providence).  I was encouraged and snoozing away moments later after thinking about the areas I could stand to see the hand of God in my own life a little clearer.      

Jeremy Camp sings,

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I’ve never felt so torn before
Seems I don’t know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don’t see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It’s my heart I see you prepare…

We all struggle to trust God more and ourselves less.  Looking to Someone we can’t see is a test of faith, whereas trusting in one another comes quite naturally even in our mutual falleness—aware of our many shortcomings and hangups.  I am reminded of  the disciple we poke fun at, “doubting” Thomas, and his demand to see the nail scarred hands of Jesus before he would believe in the risen Savior.  But how often we too feel the pull to see first in order to believe ourselves. 

Jesus taught his disciples saying, “…If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you (Luke 17:6, ESV).”  It’s not big faith and it’s not more faith we need so much, we merely need enough faith to believe—and God can definitely provide it. 

Lord, prepare our hearts and help us see You even though we can’t see your nail scarred hands.